A beautiful paradise

友人的喜事

2012-02-02T20:08:00.003+08:00

看到友人在面子书上载了她和她男友注册结婚的照片，心中就有种莫名的感慨。
怎么说呢？我和这位朋友算是有些接近的遭遇。
同窗的一年里，我们变得要好，也在我最需要帮助时，助了我一臂。
那一年里，我们的感情线都不好，我们都哭过，伤过。。。
而得知她与这位男友现在能够开花结果，心里感到安慰。
她的让步，愿意给彼此多一个机会，造就了他们今天的幸福，
原来并没有很坏，原来浪子真的会回头。。。
纵使曾经犯过的错，似乎只要别太过于执着，有些事似乎需要坚持到底，一切都有转弯的余地。。。
这让我回想起，当初如果我还是坚持下去，我是否会等到他的回心转意？*真傻的想法*
如今的回想当初，我是否因为不甘心就这样花了六年的时间却得不到想要的结果才会有如此的想法呢？

Saw a stray doggie...

2011-11-02T23:47:00.003+08:00

These few days noticed a stray doggie appeared in apartment. Its fur is actually very nice and doesnt look dirty. These few days no matter noon or night, it's raining and the weather is so cold. I saw its innocent face and it looks like feeling cold, makes me wanna to provide a home for it yet it's not what i can do now... How can I help it? :(

Selina 張承中《愛的宣言》

2011-11-02T12:32:00.002+08:00

原來世界上還是會有這麼樣好的男人！也許人生還是充滿希望的！加油！

A slap woke me up!

2011-10-16T01:26:00.003+08:00

A month ago, i had a long phone chat with his sister.
She was kind enough to tell me what had happened in the past 6 years, and the chat time took 6 hours from 12.30am to 6.30am.
6 hours to tell me about the incidents happened in these 6 years, it sounds like too short, but to me, it's too long as in the content almost killed me!

Finally, i understood why were the family members dislike me, in their perceptions, i'm a clubbing gal (in fact, i dislike and didn't clubbing). My outlook does looks like 'flirting around'. And the purpose that I stayed with him was i'm digging money and advantages from him. Does it true??? I was shocked when i heard these. These are not the end yet.

'Since when i asked money from you for my dad's funeral in 2008? Then, u went home asked from your dad about RM8000+. Since when i asked RM10k from you to foot my school fee? And you went home and asked your dad about the money again~~~ But, did I asked for it from you? I'm so shocked when i got to know these! How can you telling these 'reasons' to your family. And these ruined my image in your family members.'

Thinking positive always!

2011-10-01T01:21:00.003+08:00

Once, thinking of such problems will making me so frustrated!
Yet, life is still on, tell myself in my heart, no matter how tough, there must be a solution for that. There must be! What should do is just bear with it, be patient, thinking positive! The path in front of me is unclear, yet i'm looking forward to discover it. i believe rainbow appears after rain... My world is raining but soon it'll stop, it's just a matter of time.

六年后的今天，停止再傻下去。。。:''(

2011-09-10T17:08:00.003+08:00

一如往常地开着面子书，同样的看看你有没有新的粘贴，正如也开开她的来看看。。。
果然今天的就是不一样！
她的户头照片已经换了啦！换了一张很美很美的。。。婚纱照！
虽然那张照片并没有你在里面，我想说：也许是拍来玩玩的。。。
但看见她的朋友留言，恭喜她了！她也回了个笑面。
那证明了我是对的了。。。
一直对自己说：朋友之中，我最不愿意知道的喜事就是你的了！
没想到这一天，真的来了！
我们正式分开有一个月吗？
是我太傻？这一次，我真的没有了你，无助时，我再也不能再拿起电话，打着熟悉的电话号码，向你求救了！
此时此刻，我该醒了！六年后的今天，我醒了！
谢谢你！

我该恭喜你么？祝你幸福！

宁静的早晨

2011-09-03T00:18:00.004+08:00

一个不被干扰的早晨。一个人可以很自在的做要做的事，睡到自然醒。安静的时候都会在想活着是为了什么呢？每个人都在为自己的生活忙忙忙，我们可以有不忙的时候吗？每个人都为了自己的前途努力着，我们可以不努力吗?平时都是自己照顾自己的一切生活所需，不够钱时就会教多几分补习，生活算是有进步吗？很想离开这里。因为？不需要塞车的地方且平静，开始问自己：这是我要的吗？也许我需要去远一点的地方。放逐一下自己，去体验体验那种身在异乡的生活，或许我才能真正的感恩，现在的我其实也不错。。。

A wasting time day makes me feel so

2011-06-10T22:36:00.003+08:00

I realized that actually I cannot stand the time when nothing to do...
Look at what have I done for today: Went to renew passport, it was only take 2 hours to get the thing done. Then, gave tuition to my students for 2 hours. After that, I was waiting for his call for the whole day. I was nagging at him that why am i taking a whole day leave since he was asking me to do so but ended up he's still at uphill and when the traffic was congested only he called me and said will come down when the traffic is smooth. Cant I just throwing temper at him? I hate waiting time pass! He's really not tolerance on me... why cant he just coaxing me? Is he the one I want actually? Until this second, I still confusing on it. My brain is stuck! Why I cant just well organized on myself? I'm really poor in it!

bear the responsibility!

2011-04-12T11:05:00.002+08:00

On the 1st day, when i adopted them, it was determined that i would take the responsibility to take care of them of their whole life!
Well, recently having some family affairs, my family members told me that they are not willing to take care of them.i shouldnt put blame on them as in i'm the one who should take care of them.
Just now saw a friend's facebook status wrote about: saw an injure dog was chasing a car. What a sad scene! It made me think of the mission. I shouldn't abandon them!
I should do all my best to provide them a home!

I just realised...!

2011-03-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

at this moment, please allow me to say :
"i just realised that i have made a wrong mistake!"
the decision was made since about 6 years ago.
the time i was just completed my STPM.
everything seemed like in my plan, until now, all the progress is just tooooo SLOWWWW!!!
ended up, I wasted 5 years time on him and yet we're still in mixed!
to decide to be with him just seems like a mistake started!
to decide my career path, i chose to work in my dream job as my first job, it's just seems like i'm wrong because the company cant provide me benefits. HARSH TIME!

i know i shouldn't be blaming anyone to cause i'm in trouble and struggling now,
but just i wanna to speak out and since nobody can i speak to now!
it's really drive me craZY!!!

now, everyday, i talk to myself: hey, everyday will be a brand new day! tommorrow will be a better day!

One day, if I no longer like this market...

2011-03-21T12:17:00.003+08:00

One day, if I no longer like this market,
it might be good for me...
to stay in normal life style,
everyday OT OT OT,
just like those bankers,
just like my friends,
all know is just eat, play, love and luxury bags...

the other side advises me: to be patience,
stay for longer time to observe.
success is not comes at when you want it yet never put enough effort on it.
successful people have been working a lot on the field,
with many failure and observation...

Harsh time will be over soon.
Everything will has its end.

19 March 2011

2011-03-19T22:47:00.002+08:00

In deep thought...

A Saturday night yet i'm staying for the whole day...
Today, need not to work part time. I'm arranging my computer document files and register myself to a course for all day long.
He called me, said that he was just reached Singapore after a work trip to Hong Kong (no wonder he was not reply my calls and sms, but my calls and sms to him were pretty little). For so many days and nights we did not talk or even sms to each other. Today, I'm really wonder what else I can talk to him as he was saying something sarcastic whenever I spoke anything.
My brain is never stop of thinking of he and me. What are we now? How can we still maintain this so called relationship? I have no idea. It's so mixed feeling. One side, I wish to be him. Because of ? Maybe it's a long term relationship. Is the feeling still there? I'm keep asking myself. Yes, in sometimes. The other side, can I just forgive and forget what did he done to him? The wound is still there. I know and I feel it'll be a day again, he will dump me again if he need someone more capable than me. It'll happen again. Am I still stupid enough to let the same person to hurt me once and once?
He seems like forgot what did he done to me, and he doesnt know that he was hurt me so deeply.I wonder how is his thinking. Does he still think that he was not wrong in what ever he done at all since the first moment we met?

Maybe from some part of what he said was correct! I am not caring. It's because our relationship is spoiled! I already dont know how to care him.

So, what am I doing? I should just cut off this relationship? Or should I keep on repair it? Love is not one side. He asked me think of one way to repair it. I'm just about to do or not to do... Dilemma...

I do believe!

2011-02-28T23:09:00.003+08:00

People said it's so miserable when u're pursuing something that not belong to you;
I said it's miserable when u're pursuing something that u want it but still not yet get it successfully!
When we're pursuing something that we want or even desire, why should we believe on that is not belong to us instead of we still not yet achieve it?! too many ambiguous!
Life is short! we should always try and do our best to achieve a goal.
Things are not easy to get especially we urge to get it. I believe, the important thing that we can do is Be Patience!
Too many dreams in mind, I shall carry on and keep on the track!
Same to u... :P

I'm Coward!!!

2011-02-23T23:09:00.002+08:00

Again~~~ sitting front of PC, thinking ~~~
Am I a coward?! Why am I saying so?
Sitting in front of PC, starring on the screen with the figures moving up and down,
and I, I felt no dare to get into it...
I'm so confused! Mixed feeling~~~
A friend told me, I'm now lack of confidence!
I knew what is my problem, but I still wondering how to build back my confidence?!
This is the question that I'm struggling now...

How? How? How?

Who can understand my feeling now? I'm so helpless...

忐忑的星空下。。。

2011-02-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

独自坐在空荡荡的客厅对着电脑银幕，
忐忑的心情，头脑不停的在想着如何能改变生活。。。
活在当下，想要靠着一份薪水，平平淡淡的活着每一天似乎变得困难起来。。。
来时没好好的管理他，当走时他却携带同类一起离开我，
本来想说，只要还有明天，我一定能够把他和他们也拉到我身边，
可是，该如何做是好？
经历了那么多的明天，应该信自己！
如果，没有好好把握明天的到来，那么，再多的明天也是白活的！
加油吧,Joey!!!

Live for a better tommorrow!

patience in need

2010-06-27T22:25:00.004+08:00

A gal who had been hurt deeply in previous,
she's really need courage to walk out from the darkness...
Dun expect her to accept a new relationship so soon after all over...
What can really makes the gal to get a new start,
it could be just a 'TOUCH'!
A 'TOUCH' which really can touch her heart,
makes her feel warm n' sweet!
Her heart would be already trained to be hard!
Her past could be made her became a stronger woman n' she could settle her own on her business...
She could be turned into an independence woman...
This would be the toughest part for the guys who are going to work on it!
Or, maybe 'PATIENCE' is the most needed for her...
She need time, she need time, she really need time...

父亲节快乐！

2010-06-20T13:56:00.002+08:00

最近跟朋友们说起你，也说起我和你以前的生活点滴，
突然想起，以前我只会在朋友们面前说你的不是，
但两年前开始，我对他们说着你时，
我跟你就像是对情侣般，
吵架时，会冷战；开心时，会拉耳朵，扯头发；
朋友们问我有看今届的世界杯吗？没有了！
记得前两届，我们半夜不睡觉就为了看世界杯，
巴西，法国，和西班牙都是大热门。
现在，看世界杯会让我想起你，
心里会突然感到好寂寞，眼泪会有种夺眶而出的感觉。。。
最近发生了些小意外，有你在，应该会很不错，
很想念你。。。
父亲节快乐。。。

An empty text...

2010-06-11T12:02:00.007+08:00

Again, his sms came into my hp in last 2 midnights...
well, wat can i said? it was just an empty text...
A friend told me this: "his aim is to remind u that he's still existing in ur mind.
He rather u're still hating him than u're already forgot him."
At this moment, i ask myself: why shd i still so angry or mind abt his sms?
Am i still missing him? I would never admit that he's still in my mind.
I thought i already threw him out of my mind.
By wat he done now, he seems like trying to remind me that there's a man who existing in my life before n i shouldn't be forgetful...
No matter how he tries to dig out those memories, it's already become dark in colour!
How i wish i could just scream out loud all the bad feeling hidden inside my heart!
Yet, I'm doing my best to forget those happened before...

Hmmm... i wonder how to tell how i feel n' wat do i want for now.
KISS, i just want to start my own new life.
It'll be great if i can have my Mr. Right to accompany me to walk along my path...

P/S: to the friend, i'm not meant to dragging this matter to ur ears n' i'm getting ready to a new path...

重生。。。

2010-06-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

那天回家，妈妈和哥哥都问了我同样的问题：那个人还有在找你吗？
我先是愣了几秒钟，然后问他们到底在讲谁？！
我似乎很久都没有再想起他了。
与朋友聚会时，那晚，F3也问起这个人。
同样的，我回答说：他就像女人会来月经一样，一个月会来一封sms，但我也没意思想要回他。
事情已经过了那么久，我的记忆中好像已经把他的那一块给取了出来。。。
没有再想与他重拾旧好，曾经那段刻骨铭心的爱情似乎已经在我的脑海里消失的无影无踪。。。
我倒觉得好奇，为什么身边的人还会再问起这号人物？！
反之，我却告诉了大哥我对此人的绝望。
也许，我还没有对象的关系，所以大家都以为我对此人还念念不忘吧！
冷静下来以后，我发现，一个人的生活还真的很不错！很自由，很快乐。。。
朋友问我最近怎么都在笑？
大概就是已经得到了释怀:)

现在，我有如获得了重生。
谢谢大家的关心。。。

解决经济状况。。。

2010-02-12T10:13:00.002+08:00

最近都在想办法解决目前的经济状况。真得很遭！
就如像国家正面临赤字经济状况一样，
只不过，我的数目比这些国家来的少几千万倍。。。
大多数的解决方案就大概increasing income and less spending。。。
普通人的我们也是如此解决这种问题的吧！
别告诉我，伸手向爸妈拿，也别告诉我叫亲友先替你顶着，
我从来就没这个福份享有这种解决方案。。。
这个新年还真的是要躲在家乖乖地陪我两个宝贝了。。。
现在想起来，买那么多衣服来干嘛啊？！
这只会促使我更有冲动出外走走，增加spending。。。
我还是做个乖乖‘妈妈’，陪我两个乖乖‘宝宝’！！！
Greece加油！
我也要加油！

逝世了的爱。。。

2010-02-08T22:59:00.003+08:00

当一个女人正期待会与他重拾旧好时，却发现他已经找到另一个能够取代她的位子的人，
这种心情是怎样的？！
后悔当初那么冲动的提出分手？庆幸自己已经离场？原来她其实都不重要？要是重要，就不会轻易的被取代？
百感交集的心情，错综复杂的感情线。。。
这似乎就是所谓的：逝世了的爱。。。再怎么替它做CPR也没用了。。。

一段感情的结束了，怎么说要再从来就能从来？
有些事，发生了就是发生了。。。
回到原点，也变成了有裂痕的。。。

男人向女人说：我们再重来，好吗？
这是多么讽刺的话？！！！多么不负责任的男人！
即使那女人曾经多么疯狂的爱着他，那也已经成为过去了。。。
因她已经看到这男人是多么的丑。。。
女人应该向前走，再已不是向左或向右。。。

何去何从？

2010-02-05T15:55:00.003+08:00

吃到这么老了，我还不知道该走哪条路？！
该留在这条路？还是向左或向右转呢？
做到了自己的梦想工作才发现，梦想还不能当饭吃。
为了继续走，还真的必须付上比其他朋友们更多的代价。。。
眼见大家都过得很不错，但我却勉强得跟上。。。

常言道：人生是要经得起考验的。。。
可是，这条路我是否太早踏上了？
这一切是因为我太迟还是太早？抑或是，我还没筹谋好？！

Heartless son and daughter-in-law...

2010-01-14T09:35:00.003+08:00

This morning, i read a news about a heartless son n daughter-in-law did not allow father go back to home after his father undergone heart surgery...
Due to what reason can change the son and daughter-in-law to treat his dad by dis way?
The news did not report about the reason.
But the old man should be still in weak condition as he just finished the surgery.
He need more rest and care...
Now, he can only stay in welfare home...
The old man must be in deep pain but we couldn't know how deep is the pain of the old man...
Except the pain comes after the surgery... now plus the pain in heart when he was abandoned by his kin...
Government should set a rule to punish the sons and daughters who are reluctant to take care of their parents...
Parents are guilty and should get punishment when they are abandoning their babies..
Why not the cruel sons and daughters get punishment too when they are abandoning their parents?
It's a duty as parents should take care and bring up their babies
so as a son and daughter to take care their parents when parents are old too...!!!
Aren't it fair enough?

I wonder how is this couple going to teach their children to take care of them when they are getting old...
How are they going to tell where is grandpa when the children ask?

GoodBye 2009!!!

2009-12-31T10:05:00.002+08:00

I like 2009, coz it's really a meaningful year for me...
why? i can see a new start is awaiting for me...

Good bye to the person i shd leave... without u, i'm happy...
thx for wat u brought to me...-->sadness, happiness, experiences, everything...
no regret to know u n' no regret to leave u...
u made me grew up a lots...

Good bye to Utar...
Dun think i'll step in to there for studying again...

Hello 2010...
We'll meet each others in less than 14 hours...
I know i'll be better in 2009...

Peace of mind now...

2012...

2009-11-23T10:58:00.002+08:00

看过了年度大制作《2012》后，一些朋友都会说这部电影不够真实，

在戏里身为作家的男主角，无论在什么情况下都能渡过；

因海啸而侵袭陆地的海浪来的不够凶。

但我还是觉得这部电影很棒！

在戏里，人们对世界将末日的消息一直都蒙在鼓里，

只有对世界有贡献和富有的人才会知道这个消息。

他们才有资格知道以及打算如何的逃生。

戏里还有人在末日之际乘机赚钱。

在将被海浪冲走之际，

戏里的演员都会打给至亲或朋友，说声‘再见！’。

很多人选择与家人牵在一起坐以待毙，有些人想尽办法带着家人逃生，

也有些只顾自己不顾家人而逃生。。。

编剧把美国总统这个角色显得很伟大。

他选择不走，留在自己的国家，

向他的人民宣布这个恶讯，然后到灾地与人民一同等死。

能够想象到如果有一天发生十级或以上的地震吗？

海啸所引起的大海浪朝向陆地扑过来？

无缘无故爆发的活火山？

你会想逃吗？还是坐以待毙？

方舟只允许对社会有贡献有用的人以及受保护的动物乘搭，

以便能够继续灾难以后的新生活，延续人类与其他生物在世界的存在。。。

灾难以后，陆地被毁坏了，方舟只能在海上漂浮。。。

新生活就在0001年开始。。。

How silly if human die for money...

2009-11-11T14:49:00.002+08:00

How much do u think it is enough for u to spend for ur whole life n family?
Money is necessary to human for basic needs
yet since when it becomes necessary for other purposes?
I love money but I will not commit suicide because of it...
Can u please saying something to ask me to pay for it...
I have no ability for tat yet...
I wish I can fight for my ownself to hv my own life...
I was struggling for my own since few years ago...
I wish the time will be coming soon...
Death is not a solution but it will only bring more troubles for your family's members who are still alive...
Please think before you say...

我没演戏天分。。。

2009-11-02T09:41:00.003+08:00

再一次，我用我的双眼证实了我是正确的！
等了那顿饭这么久，我的心中有数，这顿饭是不可能吃到的。

没办法，谁叫我天生就那么地敏锐？！

谁叫我天生的第六灵感就这么强？！

谁叫我天生就不爱与人分享？！
两年前的事似乎又浮现在眼前。。。
你没变，这是真的。。。

要不然你怎么一点剧本内容都没修改的就再上多一场戏给我看?！

可是我变了。。。

因为我已经懂得爱自己。。。

这场戏，count me out!!!

90% men are selfish!!!

2009-10-06T10:14:00.002+08:00

When men wanted to breakup with their gf,

they will tell ppl ard them tat the gf is not good n those weaknesses
when they ady breakup with the gf,
they will announce this up-to-date news to those ppl ard them asap,
so tat when they is hanging out or has a new gf,

ppl ard them will not be surprised abt it n think tat they're making the right choice.

(especially for the men who are flirt!

men will think tat by doing dis, they can protect their new gal when meeting their family n friends)

when talking abt the ex-gf,

wat can they recalled back are the gal's weaknesses...

how many of them would ever think of the ex-gf's strong points?

Men are dull n unreasonable!

they cant understand why the gf wanted to breakup with them

yet, they can only understand why they want to dump the gf.

the reasons can be so ridiculous n nt make sense at all.

yet, they will still stand on their points n said

THIS IS THE REASON!

累。。。

2009-09-25T14:46:00.002+08:00

前两天从新山驾车回来，真的把我累垮了。。。
到芙蓉时，竟然大塞车。。。
我累得很想就当场在车里睡觉。
心里突然很想你：有你在，这绝对不会发生。
因为驾远途的人肯定会是你，不会是我。。。
这时才想起，你还真得很像铁人。。。
当时很想打给你，很想告诉你我真得很想你。
但还是控制自己。
即使真的打给你，你也不会给我什么好反应。。。
累了两天还是觉得累。。。
必须在家休养几个星期才能再出远门。。。

停止思念

2009-09-14T09:16:00.006+08:00

近一个月来,我似乎过着浑浑噩噩的生活.
每天忙,忙,忙...我还真的不知道在忙些什么...

失去了某个人,我似乎也失去的人生目标...
也许,跟这个人在一起过生活就是我最想过的生活，

跟这个人继续走下去就是我的人生目标.
我不断地想起某个人的不好,我以为能容易又快的将他忘了.

但,这只会让我更想念他...
我知道我该醒了!

不想浪费时间做些没意义的事...
但,什么事才算有意义呢?

刚从有人那里知道了一些事，整个人都好像已经释放了。。。
感觉上我正在重生当中。。。

9/9/09

2009-09-09T08:16:00.003+08:00

离开你的第二十三天，为什么你会浮现在我的脑中？

昨天考试及格了！心里很想打给两个人：爸爸和你。。。

我知道我是不能打这两通电话的。

今天是九月九号零九年。
好想与你庆祝这一天。。。

但，我知道是不能的。。。

我会控制我自己不再故意经过那间家。。。

把你从脑海里掏出来。。。

我会习惯过自己的生活。。。

分手手续

2009-08-15T23:32:00.004+08:00

今晚，刚与你去把我的电话线转名。这像是我们的‘分手手续’！
你瘦了！你说你的身体状况变差了！我的心有说不出的话。。。

离开你不是因为不爱你，是因为不想再受到不平等的对待。
如果你问我，我还爱你吗？我会答：当然爱！
如果你问我，我需要改吗？我会答：我不想改！
如果你问我，我们的感情需要做出改变吗？我会答：。。。

爱，就一定要在一起吗？

我对这份感情充满着怀疑。。。那，你说，做出改变就真的会变吗？

为什么我们就不能暂时的分开呢？！

为什么你就那么的坚决？！
为什么我们不再是朋友呢？！

为什么你不让我以朋友的身份去帮你呢？！
你说你恨我！你也想不到理由为什么不去恨我。

然而，我却想不到任何一个理由去恨你！

宝贝，我很想再抱抱你！我很想在你面前叫你宝贝！
但，我能信你吗？
今晚我们的谈话，你真得没有半点的夸张？！

P/s: Did u think before why i want to spend time in taking bac dis hp number instead of changing a new number?
because i'm worrying tat u might be lost or forgotten my new number if i changed it!

i do think of if 1 day u need my help or u want to find me...

i have been using dis number for so long, u shdn't b forgotten it!

convo 080809

2009-08-09T11:16:00.011+08:00

finally, the convo has jz held on yesterday morning.
we all reached there by early morning to wear robe.
when the moment we were about to walk on the stage, that's was a mix feeling...
is tat the purpose i was struggling for 3.5 yrs to wait for dis moment?
.....
i doubt it!
after we came out from the hall, we all went to outside of the hall n then bz photo shotting...
yet, we were so hardly to gather together for taking whole FE3 photo.
(i think they did take yet i missed out lol)
some friens who i noe i might not be able to meet up them in future,

jz feel sad n unwilling to seeing them left the place...

ntg to do so started to acting Q during the ceremony in the hall...

Me and Gavin ( my 2 yrs class rep)
the most misunderstanding btw he n me in the Utar's life!

Me and Chai!!! (my jie mei & intimate in Utar's life)
do us look alike? i guess so... even her mum 1st time see me also said so...
keep in touch ya!!!

Me and San Fei (looking for singapore job)
the most caring friend who i met in my Utar's life...

Fung (Sabahean) and me...
my comrade-in-arm who helps me alot in my Utar's life...
thx for being so helpful...

To all FE T3's friends, we mz keep in touch n keep update each other ya...
Good Luck to all of us!!!

矛盾。。。

2009-07-26T11:55:00.003+08:00

传了简讯告诉你我要搬了，

此刻，我的心仍然忐忑不安。

你爱我吗？说真的，我不知道！因为我从没听过你这么对我说过。。。
也许你会问我，如果你不爱我，那为什么会跟我在一起那么久？！

我不知道！

这么久以来，我只觉得你是在吩咐我替你做事而已，我只觉得累。

你会说，为什么没跟你说我的感受？！
我只能说，我说了，可是你给我什么反应？
ridiculous! nonsense! meaningless!
那你觉得我还想跟你说吗？

没有人会喜欢一直听到被人家泼冷水的话！更何况那个人是你！？
我不想再听不被赞同的话！
我的累，你从来不觉得累！
我的烦恼，你从来只觉得我找来烦！
我的努力，你看到吗？
你说我残忍，那你呢？

难道男人就有特权能够健忘，女人就天生记忆力好？

你说我忘恩？你呢？
你又在反驳我说，我很斤斤计较！你还不是吗？

难道我就该站在你前面，乖乖的听你说你的大道理？你的训话？

为什么你总不先想想后再训人呢？

你知不知道我真得觉得很有压迫感？

我曾愿意为你付出一切，很可惜，那已经是过去似的我了！
你说我去了旅行回来就变了！
我还是我！只是旅行回来，我想通了！

我不想再把自己处放在一个死胡同里。
我相信，对你，对我都没有好处。我们的感情不会有进步的。。。

此刻的忐忑，是因为我真得还爱着你。。。
我的离开是不想自己再次的患上忧郁。。。

我也不想成为你口口声声说的包袱！
我不能再被你的专横霸道的话环绕着我的耳边！

我想要有宁静的生活！
所以，我选了这条路。。。

my babies...

2009-07-25T18:15:00.005+08:00

These are my babies ---> Rocky (left) & Suki (right)

I adopted them from a clinic in Ara Damansara... It was thru a website ( petfinder.com).

There are still have a lot of doggie waiting for us to adopt. Those are homeless doggies and they are just Q and innocent... Some are free adoption fee... Those rescuers found the doggies from roadside, some even rescued from DBKL. If no one is going to rescue them, they will be humanely destroyed! Rocky (in DBKL) was one of the gang who waiting for people to adopt him. Luckily Cass ( the rescuer) rescued him from the 'Hell on earth' then only i have chance to take him back. Suki was found at roadside together with her siblings by Eileen. She looked so scare n trembling when i 1st time hugging her.

At the beginning, Rocky was suffering skin sensitive and malnutrition problem and Suki was just suffering malnutrition. So, i spent most of my time to taking care of them (Although they are just local breed) . That is not wrong to say that female doggies are much more fiere than male. Suki was so jealous when i adopted Rocky back later. She thought that i'm no longer love her... ( how silly is she) ... Rocky was so good temper, he always give in to Suki. He will never snatch Suki's toys and food. Yet, Suki is just opposite to him. After a few mths taking care of them, they are now healty and energetic.

Every morning, Rocky will come to my room and wakes me up if he din't see me go down at 7am. I think he knows that i need to go for work. Every evenings, when i reach home, they are sure sitting or laying in front of the gate for waiting me come back. Every nite when i'm ready to go up to sleep, he will block my way and bite my pant to stop me sleeping without him. He seems like understand my words to letting me go. However, he is a stubborn boy. Although how i set the net on the gate door to forbid him to go out mix with others, he will still think of the ways to go out making friends. Sometimes Suki will come to me and barks at me if Rocky is escape sucessfully. She seems like telling or makes a complaint to me to calling Rocky back home.

When i'm sitting in the living room and looking at Suki, she will run to me and jump up and sitting on my legs. Sometimes she is busy for helping me to reply my friends' msn msg. (That's y sometimes u all asking me wat did i type lol). Whenever i sit on the floor, she will come to me and sit on my legs. She never allow Rocky come to me when she is on my legs. She is the one who teaching Rocky to bark at strangers. Can u imagine how smart is she?!

I think they can sense human's feeling. When i am sitting on the floor and feeling sad, Rocky will come to me and licking my tears on my face. Suki will come to me and also licks on my face when she hear my crying. I never train them yet i was so wonder how can they do these things to me?! It's just amazing!!! I'm feeling comfortable at home when they are around me... I can feel that they will protect me no matter how...

Both of them are just intelligent... And they may do something unexpected to me in future too...

" I know the rules, when sitting on car must tie up safety belt! then mummy only will take me a ride next time..."

in the deepest sea....

2009-07-24T10:28:00.003+08:00

i strongly believe tat i'm on the right track to my beautiful paradise...
however, i think to reach my beatiful paradise, i mz learn to be not soft-hearted...

i really hate myself sometimes when i'm soft-hearted!

i really dunnoe wat a man wants! wat else can i do for u!? i guess i ady done wat i shd done!

y u keep pushing me? dun u noe tat i'm exhausted enuff?! u want to breath then me?!

do u think i'm lucky enuff after my graduation?

i tell u, dis is jz a start! it's start from zero... the journey is still long...

u help me a lot n i abandon u ? u really think tat i'm indeed such a gal u think?

did u ever put urself in my shoes?

i'm not the ur bug in ur stomach! i'm nt a superwoman!

if i am superwoman then r u the superman?!

i'm jz an ordinary woman!

u r in terrible ill-sick! so? i dare to say : u asked for it!!!!

nobody ask u to over do wat u supposed shd do!

nobody ask u to over to whatever u able to do!

nobody ask u to over fight!

nobody ask u to be an owl at nite!

u r the one who shd responsible to these consequences!

if u r the man, then u shd take dis responsibility!

u r no more a kid! dun ever say tat u r regret to do sth...

do u think when u say u r regret, u can push all the problems to others?!

i damn hate ppl to say like tat! especially from a MAN!!!!

u said i never think for u, i dun k abt u...

i dare to say if i never put u in my 1st place of my heart, i would not in this deepest sea anymore!

BRAINLESSS!!!!
BULLSHIT!!!!!!

my 1st job...

2009-07-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

After struggling in searching for my 1st job after graduated, finally, as wat i wanted to be in future since the day i chose Financial Economics as my degree course

-->i got Futures Broker job...

i would say tat i am really appreciated dis opportunity in my 1st step of my career...

dis is wat i wanted to be since long time ago...

After came back from Sabah trip, i reported myself to the job immediately.

As wat had been told by my boss, i need to sit for the exam before become a broker...

meant, i need to get my licence 1st...

At 1st, i went to work jz to studying for the exam...

again, futures and options is the subject tat i mz study for...

although studying, i still can get pay...

hehe...

wat i shd study for dis exam is mostly similar to wat i studied in the last sem of my degree...

and, it is MCQs... ( funny?! i think i'm jz lucky!)

it makes my life easy, i think...

Times passed, count down for another 7 days...

i'm going to sit for the paper on next wed...

hope tat everything will goes smoothly...

it mz be shameful if i cant pass the paper on the wed...

finding my way...

2009-05-31T12:24:00.003+08:00

Before final exam, i sent a number of resumes to some companies, yet it was hardly to get responses from them. However, after attended for so many interviews yet i found that i lost direction on my career...

i started to feel worry...

There are thousand of reasons that i need a job immediately!

futures broker, sales executive, marketing executive, customer service executive....?!!

there are more than i can list down...
i asked myself to be calm n patient in looking for job...

to think of wat am i going to be in future...

recently, i asked my F4 student to write an essay abt his dream job.

he wanted to be a scientist

okays... he might be able to achieve it.

so, i started to recall back wat was my dream job

dream becomes realistic & down to earth...

graduated with this degree , how can i move on to my dream job?!

moving on to my beautiful paradise...

unprepared paper...

2009-05-01T00:48:00.010+08:00

i was jz finished English For Management final in past two days.

What a Rush paper?! i cant even finished it on time and left about 2 Qs from section A blanks. Seriously, i din prepared at all for the paper and i was thinking wat to prepare for an english language paper?! huh?! u might said i'm arrogant!!! yet, i'm a kinda of humble gal... haha...

sth tat i felt funny happened on tat day...

i was slept at early nite than usual and asking one of my frien to morning call me at 5 a.m. coz it was a morning paper. in fact, my frien did call me and wanted to wake me up...

but her calls nvr able to wake me up until i was awakened from dream...

OMG!!! by the time i woke up, it was ady 8.15am... my frien ady made 73 calls to try to wake me up + her sms + my another frien call...
finally i was able to answer her call when she called me by 74th call...

hmmm... can u imagine how can a gal so snoozing until dis stage?! i even set 6 phone alarms put beside me but it was really tat none of its can wake me up!!!

how terrible am i?! (speechless....)

here, i want to thank and apologize to my frien who called me 74 times

---> San Fei( she is really patient and kind)

and Chai who called me to remind me : We have English paper after half an hour later!!!

ok... i think this is one of the interesting things happened in these years in Utar...

then, how was the paper? as i said, i was unprepared for it even until last minute before i stepped in to the exam hall, i jz took a look on the memo examples...

So... i really dun dare to imagine hw is this paper's result...

San Fei and me...

me and Chai...

Big ApPle DonUts

2009-04-26T17:40:00.016+08:00

Merry Berry (My flavour!!!)

Marble Duke

Kiwi Blitz

Mango Tango

A box of two (*2)

Last two days, my mind keep on thinking of Big Apple Donuts, then i drove to the nearest outlet from my place to buy some donuts... hehe...

Of coz, i was nt enjoying its alone... i bought four donuts and went to my classmate's house (San Fei) and enjoyed it together... What a delicious dinner for both of us on tat nite!!! Here's the donuts that we ate on tat day... If u nvr tried these before, u shd try it next time...

good news...

2009-04-23T12:21:00.004+08:00

Jz nw my mum called me n told me tat my cousin is going to get married by end of dis year...
N' i got to talk to him jz nw... Of coz i congratulated to him...
Hurray..!!! finally he is going to get married... i'm really feel happy for both of them...
For sure, i will attend their wedding ceremony and also wedding dinner....
Need to think of wat shd buy for them... by the time, i shd be able to affort to buy sth for him...
And most important thing is start to think of wat to wear on the day and nite....
Is it too early that i think of the custome?
It's nvr too early for a gal to do so...
Hehe... can start to do some research on fashion 1st...

It's not easy to a man to give his commitments and take the responsibility to a woman...
N' not every man in dis world is afford to give these to his woman...
So, I really admire man who dare, afford and willing to give commitments to his life partner and he is really keep the promises... dis called MAN!!!

2009-04-20T16:26:00.001+08:00

Long time nvr go back JB le...

Since i started my study in KL, every time when i go back to home in very rush hour... i dun hv muc time to spend with my ex-schoolmates and i dun even have time to walk ard there...

The recent time was in end of Mac. this time i spent 3 days there and finally i had an opportunity to take a walk and a look also how is the new custom and tat area... from the outlook, the custom looked grand and big... Although i din walk in to see bt i can really feel the different than the old 1 (which leaking when raining + cant feel the air-cond even the air-cond is on)...

How is the shopping centre opposite the custom? City-Square is still there and finally Old Town is opened there!!! Really Really looks difference...

Long time nvr been there and long time nvr take the public transport there... i spent abt 15 mins to find the bus stop back to my home... really tiring...

Complicated feeling....

2009-04-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

It's now study week. I guess many ppl know tat there is a study week before exam week. It's a week for study to do their revision before they are going to face their exam...
At this moment, it's really complicated feeling....
why said so?
I'm going to change my lifestyle... no longer bz for classes and working...
bt i'm going to face the real world...
Recalled back wat had happened to me in these years were really speechless!!!
i nvr thought of myself can be such stubborn and persistence on sth...
No body noe tat i would get a shock after i completed a task tat i nvr think tat i can really done it by my own... heheh....
In dis midnite, i try to do my revision... i nvr start my revision so early before...
Haha... bt my progress is so so so slow... jz wish tat i will not screw up in dis last time!!!
Wish my friends and me can be graduated smoothly....
God bless Us!!!

2009-04-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

unwillingness....

this week is week 12. Finally, I'm going to end my degree. For these years, the path i have taken is difference with others. it was so tiring and so tough to go through all these days. i dun think any of u would understand me.

in the past, everyday when i wake up, the 1st thing is in my mind would be 'times , please move faster!!!'. i wanna to get out of schooling time. it is a hell for me!!! i guess it could be I'm nt building up a good relationship with my classmates and course mates. my life was so pale!!!
wat i do for everyday are jz attending lecture and tutorial classes , after tat go for teaching tuition, then back home with a tired body to rush for assignments and all those household ( the things which more miserable in my life)

yet, now I'm starting to join classmates to hv fun and I'm so unwilling to leave these life.
last two days, i went to career fair with my classmates. it was a lot of jobs offered. but, there were so little jobs tat i can apply. i felt worry in tat time. die, die, die... ended uni life soon and it is the time to step on the 'social university'.

really hope tat it will be a beautiful paradise ...